Making me whole again
I've spent a lot of my life alone. This was my own fault. I had to grow up and find out who I was by myself.
As a teenager I wasn't very lovable. I used to steal from my family, I had everything I could possibly want, but I felt compelled to lie and take more. Growing up I was so angry, I lost control of who I was, I was in with the wrong crowd, and I didn’t have any self-respect, this made me so angry. So much so, I even became aggressive towards my mum, you will never imagine how much pain I caused to them, but worst of all, to myself.
At times my anger still gets the best of me. I lose control of myself, but over the years with the help and support from the staff team at ubu, I've been able to accept my past and the things that I did as being wrong. I have had to live with the pain of knowing, that my behaviour meant that I didn't have a family anymore. Do you know what that pain feels like?
This is something that I have had to come to terms with and that is why I see ubu as my family. Whilst I have been living with ubu, I've been given love and opportunities that have supported me to grow and change as a person. I have done some things that I'm really proud of, things like going to college, getting qualifications, and making friends. One of my proudest moments was through the pandemic, the work that I was doing for my community and other people with a learning disability, was recognised in parliament and I got sent letters from my local MP. It made me proud to know that I had made a difference.
ubu has given me time and patience and allowed me to grow and become who I am today. They have supported me to become the best version of myself. They recognised that I needed people in my life who I could trust, and who could be honest with me. They have done this through looking after my mental health, making sure that they have an honest relationship with me, they have worked alongside other people, such as my social workers to ensure that I had opportunities to do the things that I want, and supporting me to achieve goals. They tell me when I am too much, they know when I need time to myself, they help me with my mindfulness, and they open up opportunities for me.
Earlier this year I was scrolling through social media and I happened upon my brother. I decided to reach out to him. I was scared at first because I didn’t know whether he would even speak to me. I haven’t seen or spoken to my family in over 20 years.
He was really hesitant about speaking to me, he doesn’t know the person I have become, and he still remembers the old me, the person who caused his family so much pain. But he was willing to speak to me which was a massive step and very emotional for me. I have loads of things I want to say, things I want to ask.
Guess what, I am going to get that opportunity. I am absolutely over the moon. I am so excited I think that I will explode. To say I am pleased is an understatement, I can't sit still, I have bombarded the staff team with questions, and I am just so excited. I am going to meet him and I think I might burst. I know it's going to be an emotional time for us both but I can't wait to show him what a beautiful person I have turned into.
I will keep you updated but I think that this is really going to be a new chapter in my life and I can't wait to explore it.
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