From despair to where
A spiral within a spiral within a never-ending tangled web of highs and lows, embroiled in a daily cauldron of simmering despair.
This was my life; a desire to gamble, I never thought winning was important, it was the thrill, the excitement of having superpowers to predict the outcome, nothing came close to that feeling.
I was buying cheaper foods or walking instead of getting the bus so I had money to gamble; if I won I was ecstatic, if I lost, then down I sank increasing my reliance on medication as it would make me so angry, an emotion I thought I had no control over.
Let me take you back…
I lost my mother who was my everything & my world fell apart, I gave everything caring for my mother, yet she was gone.
My mental health suffered, and I had nothing left, nothing that was my own, I blamed myself, I blamed my family, and I hurt those that loved me.
That’s when I found myself sectioned, this was a new low, I really now had nothing.
Gambling helped fill that empty space.
84 days without diazepam…
This is where ubu came in, you may say they were just doing their job, but let me tell you I have now gone 84 days without having to take diazepam because of ubu.
The team talk to me and they actually listen, they hear every word, they talked to me about that feeling I get from gambling; from listening they have helped me start finding myself again, they have introduced me to a whole new world, I have started going to the gym to get those endorphins pumping and the feedback they give me after every session gives me a ‘buzz’, more importantly when I have been to the gym, I don’t think about gambling, I am too busy feeling good to worry about it, I am planning my fitness more, through talking to enablers I am planning a healthier diet and this also helps my mood rather than all of the carbs I was eating which did not help.
Take time to talk…
If they see my mood drop, they are there for me, they know when to talk, when to give me space & when to grab my jacket and walk it off with me, low mood is ‘normal’, I never knew that before.
It's not just about going to the gym and that ‘fixed’ me, ubu have opened my eyes to other possibilities, other things that show me how great life can be and that all started with the simple act of listening.
One day at a time…
I still gamble a little, but one day at a time, one step at a time; my family who once wanted to walk away are now involved in my life, but more importantly I now look forward to tomorrow, without ubu I would have gone from despair to where…?