How brilliant it was of you to send your fabulous memory of your Mum into us following my blog.
There has been an overwhelming response as you can see.
Like you, the ‘my life time memories’ of my Mum are so important to me and are great to share.
Take care and enjoy.
Dorothy Jarvis-Lee - Chief Executive
I have just read your blog and it was lovely, Mums and daughters are so special (sons too of course). My Mum always brought me up with this saying (especially as I have three sisters and we all shared a bedroom! and the arguments!). ‘If you haven’t got anything nice or constructive to say why bother saying it at all, it only spoils the day.’ She still tells us now and we reply, ‘Love you Mum.’ This always makes me smile and reminds me of when we were kids. Little and silly things can trigger the nicest feelings and memories in life.
My Mother has always been a fantastic Mother despite the fact that she was diagnosed with bipolar which sometimes made it difficult to live with all the highs and lows that these people have. But one thing I will always remember is when I left my whole life behind to follow a man that was a heavy drinker and a lead guitar player in a band (sex, drugs and rock-n-roll type), my Mother was the one that softened the blow with my Dad. My Dad wanted nothing to do with this new man and the complicated abusive relationship that came with the territory, but it was my Mum that said to my Dad, “We have two choices, we either except her with this new man or we lose our child”, to which my Dad had no other choice but to accept that there was only ONE choice. I was married to this man for 10 years and my parents stood by me through all the trauma and tears this relationship brought to my life without ever saying “We could’ve told you that this would’ve happened”.
The result of my Mum’s quote about the two choices is that I follow the same way of thinking with my own children, “I have two choices… and I know that my choice will ALWAYS be to accept their choice and hold on to my babies forever more”.
Love you all
I remember something our eldest daughter said to my Gran, her Great Gran, once when we visited, we have never forgotten it Joanne would have been almost 5 years of age.
We were visiting my Grandmother who was about 92 at the time and Joanne as I said would have been about 5 years of age. She said to my Gran, “Grannie how old are you your skin is very wrinkly.” Being very modest my Gran said, “Oh I don’t think I can remember that darling but I guess I am getting old.” Joanne smartly replied, “Well if you look in your knickers it tells you, mine say 3-5 years”.
“Just because you can't see someone doesn't mean they're not there”
I recently took the plunge and decided to move out and set up home on my own, being a true Mummy's girl, single life, living on my own seemed scary. A personal joke relating to panda's (knor pasta sauce advert stick a fork in me I'm done and charmain toilet roll advert with panda's) resulted in me receiving a very large stuffed panda toy formally known as Coral (because my Mum has had one for 4 years called Pearl which my Dad got her for her anniversary which I threatened to
panda nap and take with me when I moved out) as my house warming present. However, this wasn't just a teddy, this was my Mum's way of saying just because someone isn't there all the time, they are always there in the background willing you on, encouraging you and supporting you. It was her way of saying she was only a phone call away and part of her would be with me all the time in my new home.
One year we took a family holiday to Bournemouth, my sister was about 14 and I was about 8. We had been messing around for most of the morning, with us driving Mum and Dad to distraction, as hyper kids on holiday do!
Anyway, Mum and Dad decided it was lunch time and we would go into a little café for a snack. Angie and I were still messing around so Mum was in full flow trying to sort us out as we sat at the table. Jibber jabbering away at us she attempted to put some brown sugar in her coffee, unfortunately she has picked up brown sauce! Well, of course Angie and I weren’t going to tell her and we were doing our very best not to laugh, as she continued to witter at us whilst putting the brown sauce in her coffee!
The pleasure of watching Mum’s mistake didn’t last long and she realised what she had done, she smiled, giggled and simply said, “See girls this is what I mean, sometimes you want sugar and you get sauce!” It still makes us all laugh to this day, and my Dad still on occasions asks my Mum if she would like sugar or sauce in her coffee!
I recently made the difficult decision to finish my university course which I was doing alongside work; this meant I would get a Postgraduate Diploma instead of the Masters I had been working towards. I decided to do this as I felt I had got everything out of the course that I was going to and it was taking up a lot of my time and money, which I was finding difficult to sustain. I spoke to my Mum after I had made this decision and talked her through why I had done it. As she was still at work when I spoke to her it was a quick call and although she said she understood I felt like she might be disappointed in me. About 10 minutes later I got a text message from her saying ‘I understand and I am not disappointed and I never have been disappointed in you! Perfect baby girl! Love Mum’ It was exactly what I needed as although I was happy with my decision I always want my Mum to be happy with what I do.
As middle aged women, my sister and I on seeing young girls walking around in skimpy clothes not wearing coats in the cold weather will say out loud, ‘Pride won’t keep you warm!’ A saying repeated frequently by our Mother on many a Friday night in the 1980’s.
My sister, friends and I would spend ages planning what to wear to go out but even in the depths of winter these outfits never included a coat or sensible shoes. Along with the words ‘be careful’ my Mum would call out put your coats on, ‘Pride wont’ keep you warm’ and it didn’t, as we shivered our way into town. What was my Mum thinking? How could we ruin our outfits with a coat? What were we meant to do with it in a pub or nightclub? No, we were right and Mum was wrong – or was she? No, of course our Mum knew best, but our pride got in the way and we thought we knew better.
So whenever the subject of pride or being proud arises I often think of this, especially in work situations. Pride is an emotion that carries different meanings. A positive meaning refers to a satisfied sense of accomplishment of our own or other’s actions. It’s great to say, ‘Oh I was really proud of you’ or be proud of a quality or skill.
However, a negative connotation of pride can refer to an inflated sense of our accomplishments, we think we know best or we are right when in reality we don’t and are too proud to admit others know better.
We disagree with the truth just like my sister and I all those years ago. To this day my Mum will ask us if we are wrapping up warm when we go out. Yes Mum we reply, we know pride won’t keep us warm!!
My Mum has always been my greatest inspiration, even though we are both probably the two most stubborn people you will ever meet (but I blame her for that).
She has always had the best work ethic (which is where I must get it from I guess) and encouraged me even though I wasn’t the best child. I really didn’t appreciate how hard the upbringing of three children would have been, until I got older, and for that I take my hat off to you Mum. I know that I couldn’t have done it, especially with everything you were going through.
Just recently she has been made redundant, but I know that this little hiccup will not slow her down as she has a strong family to support her.
When I was very young I remember going to a festival at Roundhay Park in Leeds, it was extremely busy and so much was going on, I wanted to be everywhere. Not realising the dangers something must have caught my eye and off I went, after been amazed by all the sights that I was seeing I realised that my Mum was nowhere to be seen. I got a very empty feeling in my stomach and felt very scared, I heard my name been called over some big speakers but couldn’t tell where the voices were coming from. A policeman came up to me because I was crying by this point and he knew my name, which shocked me, he said let me take you to your Mum. I said that my Mum had lost me! He found this funny (at the time I really didn’t), he took me to a little office where my Mum and sister were. I ran up to my Mum and gave her the biggest kick in her shin for loosing me, not realising until I was a lot older that the speakers calling me was because my Mum was worried about me and that the policeman knowing my name was my Mum getting people to help find me.
My loveliest situation with my Mum - When Shep died I had to go to the hospital to identify his body as I was the person he had spent the most recent time with even though his parents were there. When we walked in my Mum went straight over to him and introduced herself then leant over him, held his hand and said, ‘Thank you for making my daughter so happy for the last six months.’
I’m happy to tell you a little bit about my Mum and the sort of person she is...
I am one of three brothers so my Mum has always been outnumbered by men in our family!
She is so intelligent and was very academic but gave up her career to be completely devoted to her sons. She always wanted nothing but the best for us and tried desperately to ensure we had the best education so we would all have the best future.
This was not an easy job for her as all we cared about was playing football and messing around with each other… at times we drove her to the brink of despair! So my Mum doubled as Mum/teacher and drilled into us all the importance of doing your best and working hard and slowly but surely it began to sink in…she was the best teacher I’ve ever had as she made learning fun and her passion was infectious.
Last Christmas as we all gathered at our family home she presented all three of with us with “this is your life” style albums which contained everything from photos, early artwork, first shoes, school certificates and reports, newspaper cuttings - everything from the last 30 years!! I am not ashamed to say my two brothers and I were reduced to tears as it reminded us all of the amazing childhood we had shared and how lucky we were to have such a special Mum. I will treasure that album for the rest of my life.
Unfortunately I do not have any memories of my Mother I can share with you as she died when I was only 16 months old and have no recollections of her. However, I do have a memory that may be of use.
When my Mother died my Grandmother from my father's side took on the responsibility of raising me. When I was at infant’s school, during the run up for Mother's day, our teacher was getting the class to make cards for their Mum's. The teacher asked me to help her to clean out the art cupboard whilst the others did this. When I asked why she said that as my Mother had died I did not have anyone to make a card for. When I pointed out that my Gran was the same as my Mother she agreed to let me make a card for her instead.
Whilst I am sure that the teacher thought she was acting with the best of intentions it goes to show how a simple assumption can have an effect that can remain with you, in my case, for 44 years.
On my wedding day, when I was getting ready Mum said to me, “You know that I am very proud of you, don’t you?” Jokingly I said, ‘I don’t know, are you?!’ And I smiled. She said, “Since leaving Brazil you have learned and matured a lot and now that you are getting married it made me realise that my baby is a woman (I am the youngest). I am very proud of the woman you have become and I am sure you will have a lovely life with Paul.” She gave me a hug and said, “I love you!” I said, “I love you too!” :-)
I remember my Mum’s dream of owning a VW caravanette came true. My Mum and Dad bought a very old one (about a thousand years old) and they painted the top half magnolia and the bottom half orange. Mum was so excited, she wallpapered the inside, made some fancy curtains for the windows with matching seat covers and would sit in it for hours, on our drive, with her friends…even on the coldest of nights drinking tea and having a laugh. She would love going on trips, stopping on the roadside, getting the deck chairs out and brewing up watching the world go by.
Her pleasures were simple, her outlook on life always positive and she loved her kids (three of us) and my Dad, dearly.
Sadly she passed away after cruelly suffering from cancer some years ago. I do hope she was reunited with her other love, the VW, up there, and still brews up whenever she pleases, now wouldn’t that be nice, tea anyone?
Just Like Mum
My Mum is very beautiful. She was Miss Malaysia 1963, she is a very good cook, she can stitch and a very determined and hard working person. My Mum is very good at anything and everything, to the point that, whilst growing up I don’t remember lifting a finger to help. I used to say to myself, I will never be like her. She is smart, beautiful and intelligent. She has a maid and a driver, yet she chooses to work and do the running around herself.
My Mum used to say, "Does it taste nice love?" While I nibble on the food and she carried on cooking! "Lift your legs up love." While she hovered the floor and I would sit on the sofa watching TV. "Can you bring the laundry basket down love?” As I stepped out of my bedroom whilst she was sorting out the laundry. "What time do you want picking up love?" When she dropped me off at the front door of the school. "How will you survive love?" She cried, when I showed her the acceptance letter form Henley College in Coventry.
I was 17 and alone thousands of miles away from my Mum and Dad. I could cry every night and wake up the next morning, saying that I can do this. Or I could cry on the phone to my Mum and Dad, and I’ll get the next flight ticket home through post. The choice was mine.
I remember cooking my first meal, buying the whole store to make sure I had all the ingredients - Just like Mum. Hovering the floor, making sure I moved the bed and got every corner - Just like Mum. Sorting out the laundry, separating the colours and hand washing the delicate - Just like Mum.
Today, dropping my son of at school and asking him, "What time do you need picking up son, I maybe late." and later rushing off to work.
I am trying to do exactly the same thing. But only, Mum does it so much better. With so much love, patience and care.
And then I realise. I want to be so much like her - Just like Mum.
My Mum goes to day care on a Friday normally a family member would take her by car. However after lengthy family discussions Mum agreed to go by taxi. This was a big step for her. A very nice young man came to pick her up and within minutes of meeting the taxi driver she waved to me good bye with a smile on her face. On her return I asked how she got on and she said do you mean with Glen and I said is that his name, she said he was lovely he opened and closed the doors for me to the taxi, he saw me through the gate and into the building, and when I came out he was waiting with a umbrella, she said she would see him next week. I then explained that perhaps she wouldn’t get the same driver, and she said well you will have to phone up and ask for Glen! I replied but all the drivers were nice. She said don’t keep asking me to have different drivers not just yet as I do not always feel comfortable with changes, I am not saying I won’t but not just yet. I have spoken to the company and for now Mum can carry on seeing Glen.
Glen has brought a bit of sunshine to my life on a Friday even if it is only a short ride there and back.
It does my heart good to know that my Mum feels happy and cheerful on a Friday.
When I was 13 I trained in competitive swimming following a move from Leeds to York. I wasn’t enjoying the training as I had made friends in York and wanted to do usual teenage stuff rather than commute to Leeds every morning and night. I started to complain about going and wasn’t really working hard in training, one day comments were made about the fact I was going to Chicago (we were due to fly out in three weeks) and I didn’t really deserve the place and the girl who was reserve was working really hard. I was angry and got out of the pool in the middle of the training session and told the coach I didn’t want to go and to give my place up. I cried all the way home and begged my Mum to call him and tell him I didn’t mean it. She told me that I need to do this myself and even gave me his number to call. I couldn’t, no matter how much I begged her she would not call him for me. The next day when I went to training, it was too late as my place had been offered to someone else.
I have to say it is my biggest regret, but I learnt so my about being responsible for my own actions. Stopping and thinking about something before I react as emotions could take over my decisions.
As Harsh as it seemed at the time, but if my Mum had made the call for me, I don’t think I would be who I am today. It also made me realise that I had let my parents down, as it wasn’t just me that had to get up on early mornings and travel back on a night. It took all this to make me realise and appreciate what they did for me.
I have to say this was the hardest lesson that I ever learnt!
Can you remember when your Mam gave you advice that you didn’t want, like “put a coat on”, “don’t go out with your hair wet” or when she tells you the same bit of news and even when you say “Mam you’ve already told me that“ she still continues to tell you anyway. You vow to yourself that you will never do that to your own children. Well let me tell you Mams are wise and they do know best. I won’t apologize for starting to sound like my Mam, and my children hum and ha when I tell them to put on a coat or don’t go out with wet hair etc, and when they say “Mam you’ve already told that” I have a little chuckle to myself.
When my dad was in hospital, he caught MRSA much to the dismay of my mother who doesn’t like being ill at the best of times. After being told to wear protective clothing during our visit, she became increasingly worried and went home to tell my sister that MRSA is catching and she needed to be careful when she visited my dad, in particular to wear gloves and aprons etc.
Later that evening I was at home on my work line talking to a colleague when my home phone rang.
I apologised to my colleague telling her I would call her back.
It was my Mum who had called to say that Coronation St was on ITV plus 1 at 9pm in case I wanted to watch it.
I thanked her and wished her good night before calling my colleague back. After two minutes my home phone rang again. Once again I apologised to my colleague and answered the call which this time turned out to be my sister.
“Lin”, she said sounding very worried, “Mum’s told me about dad’s MRSA and I am really worried about work. Do you think I need to report it to my boss” she asked, “and do you think they will make me stay off work?”
I reassured her that I didn’t it would be a problem and that she shouldn’t worry before wishing her good night, and once again resuming my work call.
My colleague asked me what the call had been about so I told her.
“What job does your sister do?” asked my colleague
Oh she picks bean sprouts I answered…
What can I say - my Mum always said work hard at everything you do and you will enhance your life and that of others who you come into contact with you.
One of my memories I remember so well was when Mum learnt to drive at the age of 32. We’ll talk about having no confidence, no control and definitely no sense of direction. We would set off as a family in the old Volvo with Mum kangaroo hopping along the road and dad getting redder and redder and totally stressed out saying to Mum use the clutch when you change gear woman. On this particular day Mum carried on and failed to slow down at a stop junction, when finally she slammed on the brakes and my brother shot through to the front seats giggling away.
Dad shouted and Mum told him off and she got out the car at the junction and walked home abandoning the car on the busy junction with us still in it. This was a regular Sunday family outing and after 2 failed driving tests she gave up and dad got his sanity back. She then went onto a little moped called Buttercup and she loved it and went everywhere in all weather - and we were safe again (sigh of relief). But as Mum said to me work hard at all you do.
She went driving again in her early forties – her confidence was there and she passed after months of lessons and was let loose on the open road in a little Fiat Biz.
My story tells us that if you get knocked down then dust yourself off and start again.
God rest her soul.
Memory from Mum: As an adolescent teenager I was very self-conscious about my appearance.
So much so I would hide in the wings of school productions, constantly hiding behind my hair and trying to merge into the background.
Then as you do, I started taking more time with my appearance spending the best part of a few hours getting ready to go out with friends on Fridays and Saturdays, Mum would always be there at the door commenting on how lovely I looked and how I could be a model (this was a total fabrication being 5ft 4 and three quarters and more Dawn French than Kate Moss with very little fashion sense, luminous pink socks, matching pink dungarees ugh!) but as only a Mum can do she built my confidence up so much that before long I was taking leading roles in school productions, having my hair cut short and enjoying life more. Still to this day my Mum will regularly say “you look lovely” the wording has changed slightly over time… it’s now “you could have been a model!”
Thanks Mum you are very special…
My Mum always says to me even now, before I go out always make sure I have clean underwear on because you don’t know if you might end up in A&E and have to take your trousers off. Be prepared as you don’t know what is around the corner and you don’t want to bring shame to the family with dirty underwear!
When I was 18 I had decided to join the police. After interviews, exam/test and a physical I should have been already to go. Then a young policeman was shot and killed in Manchester, I decided that I was not going, not under any circumstances. I told Mum, who said "It’s just up to you love. But you’re always taking on other people’s problems and sometimes they don't deserve it, don't you fancy working in care, at least then you'd be doing something your good at". It wasn't something I'd thought about seriously, but here we are years later.
Who needs a career adviser when you've got Mum?
When I was doing my nurse training one of my placements was at a children’s residential unit in a rural market town of Lincolnshire. I had accommodation at the local hospital in the nurse’s home. When I first went arrived I didn’t see anyone for 3 days. I was very lonely and felt very isolated. Throughout my nurse training I rang home every Thursday and being on this placement was no different. When I rang Mum answered as usual, on hearing her I began to cry and proceeded to tell her how things were (bearing in mind I had only been there for 4 days) and what a terrible place it was. Mum listened and then said “It was early days and things would get better and I just needed time to adjust”. We then chatted about other things happening back at home. This scene was repeated every Thursday for approx 4 weeks when I eventually did settle and made new friends. Some years later when discussing that particular placement Mum told me those conversations were the hardest she had had and all she wanted to say was to tell me to come home but she said “I knew that it was the wrong thing to say, as I knew it was something you had to get through because I knew how much you wanted to do your nurse training and have a career working with people with learning disabilities. It was tough love”.
Hello, in true northern style, my Mother has brought my sister I up with my Mother’s unspoken but well understood motto of “frame yourself and think on…”, an expression which has stood all three of us in good stead to deal with both the loveliness and nonsense that life throws at us all – she’s great!!! Can you tell we’re not a demonstrative family?!
As a young child and an adult I would on many occasion accompany my mother to carry out her week shopping at the supermarket, my mother was a very proud person especially of all 4 of her children, my memory of being down an isle looking for items to purchase would be my mother talking louder than was needed, this was on purpose to attract anyone passing by. I would look around to see what was happening and there was my mother mission accomplished having captured an unsuspecting passer-by, telling them about her family and what I would hate the most is when I heard the words our Frank, meaning my mother was singing my praises to the unsuspecting passer-by of the jobs I had completed for her (a bit of DIY decorating etc). I always would feel the embarrassment stood there in the middle of the supermarket going bright red listening to Mum a big smile on her face and I lie not, sometimes with a small photo album, but the main thing I remember is the pride on her face and the message of love she felt for her children. I feel now she has passed she is still up their doing exactly what she would have done looking down on all four of us, what I would give to feel that embarrassment of Mum showing her pride once again.
My Mum has been dead for 25 years and I still find it very difficult as I miss her so much.
My fondest memories are no matter how much she had had to drink she would convince herself and others she only ever had two!
She always said you me if I was finding something difficult “well are you going to get on with it or give up?”
“My mother was very supportive when I wished to change direction with my career. I was really unhappy with my previous Job before joining ubu. She said to me if something is making you unhappy then I need to change it no matter what. Without my Mum’s support and advice I probably wouldn’t have changed my career path”.
“When I left home for the first time my Mum was full of support and advice. She has always been there for me and helped me make moving out of the family home easier.”
“My mother always used to tell me that I should believe in myself and that I have the abilities to do a good job. Even to this day I reflect on what she said even though I do still struggle to believe in myself sometimes”
“My Mother used to always tell me neither a lender nor a borrower be, which has stuck with me all my life”
When I was 14 my mother was diagnosed with Cancer, she became very ill and required some tender loving care, I remember it was the 6 weeks summer holidays, and I was ready to do lots of activities with my friends, at this point my father was also working away from home, at the beginning of holidays I arranged to go swimming and shopping with my friends, which I did!
However when I returned home one day my mother was very poorly and it upset me immensely!
The following day I stayed at home to help Mam, and continued this for the whole 6 weeks, I would go shopping, cook, wash my Mams hair and style it to make her feel better, after some time Mam eventually got the all clear which was fantastic as I did not need to worry no more! However some time later she developed Cancer once again, and I did exactly the same for her, I felt I had to grow up pretty fast, but don’t regret any of it as it was all worth it.
My Mam always thanks me for that to this day, and tells me that she knew I would do well in my career because I started this in early years and that she is very proud of me, to the point where she brags’ to her friends about me all the time.
My Mother is my inspiration and I love her very much, and I am also very proud of her.
What I have learned from Lily…
My mother arrived in England from Malaysia in the early 1950’s, she didn’t know anyone else apart from the young soldier she had married, she had a young daughter from a previous marriage, both of them couldn’t speak English and she encountered hostility and racism from her husband’s family and the community, she now found herself in. She also found herself in an abusive marriage.
However, Lily learned the language, she found herself work, she never let the hostility deter her from providing the very best she could for her family, all of us kids have gone through university, got degrees and have made a success of their careers.
Lily taught me to have courage, not to give up, and to have a set of values based on hard work and diligence.
Just recently my mother told me I was not too old to be told when I was wrong.
I was recently visiting my mother as she hadn’t been so well and I took her for a hospital appointment. It was one of those appointments’ that had hours of sitting around written all over it. Being naturally concerned for my mother’s well-being I was getting somewhat irritated by what I saw as the inertia of the different departments we visited.
Finally, I snapped and I told my mother that I was going to complain to one of the senior physicians about the way she was being treated.
She asked me “why do you want to do that?”
I responded “because he who shouts loudest gets heard and you’ll be given priority and we’ll get you out of here as soon as possible”
“Now dear” she said “he who shouts loudest gets heard doesn’t always work as it’s equally true that is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.”
She went on “what expertise do you have to say that the hospital isn’t taking care of me properly and thoroughly. I am the patient and I am more than happy with the way they are caring for me. If you prefer you can go and get yourself a coffee and I’ll call you when I have finished.”
I thought about what she had just said and was about to respond when she added “you know what I mean, don’t you dear?”
That was it, I had nothing else to say, so agreed to stay and remain silent.
It then occurred to me that it was me who was impatient not her and I realised it was far better sharing the time with her rather than rushing off to the next thing in our busy lives.
I have many lovely conversations with my mother; sadly, as she now suffers from dementia and it affects her ability to communicate verbally they are memories to treasure. The overriding message that I have received from my mother throughout my life is to be true to myself and that I am valued for who I am not what I have, and to value the people in your life. This is something that I have passed on to my children.
My Mum stays in Zimbabwe, Africa, though she visits the UK every now and then. She has been unable to visit me in the last 2 years as I decided to go for a career change from being a tax person to a nurse. When I finished my O levels, my Mum wanted me to be a nurse but I decided otherwise and ended up working in the equivalent of the Tax Office in my home country Zimbabwe. Every time, I came back I felt low due to the pressure of work, she reminded me that it was because I was in the wrong profession. After I finally decided to change career, not only because of what my Mum always thought was the best thing for me, but also because I wanted to work and help vulnerable people, my sister passed away in Zimbabwe and left 4 children of school going age who needed to be looked after. I immediately took it upon myself to help my Mum who now stays with these children, look after these orphans financially.
Last week, between my tight schedule of a placement and work schedule, I decided to call my Mum to find out how she was doing and how the 4 children in her care were doing. She was very excited to hear my voice on the phone and she said everyone was blessed by my presence, despite the long distance between us. She went to say that she hoped that I am making a difference to the people I support and those I meet during and after my training. I shed a tear, not of sadness but of happiness that finally I am now able to make a difference in other people's lives, in my family, at work and in my new career. I walked into my place of work, with a big smile, thinking of how proud I make my mother and also how proud I am at taking such a life changing career choice. I am proud to be a ubu employee and always look forward to my shift, and every time I am at work, I think of what my Mum said to me on the phone.
I would just like to add that, like a lot of people, my relationship with my mother is very close. We have a very honest relationship and even now, I rely on her for help and guidance.
Hi Mum, I am pleased to tell you that you'll be having a new granddaughter this coming June.
As a young girl of 8 years old, I accompanied my pregnant mother to the clinic for her maternity class. On our way home she felt faint and collapsed. She was helped by passer-by but after a short while she assured them that she was fine and we continued on our way. The experience opened my eyes to the fact that my mother was a very strong and independent woman because even though she wasn’t very well she tried not to bother others with her plight by assuring them that she was okay.
I had a regular contact with my family especially with my Mom and Dad twice a week through Internet (Skype) due to it’s been a long miles from this country where I lived now. I always keep reminding them to take care of themselves because I’m not beside with them to look after them, how grateful and blessed I am of having them as my Parents and never forget to say "I love them so much"
All I can say is that my mother is always there for me through thick and thin and loves me no matter what, I can talk to her about anything and everything and know 100 percent that she will always be my rock, god bless my mother.
One of my nicest memories with my Mam is that we all went to the beach, with my auntie and her children, and we had a really nice time running in and out of the sea. I fell in the rock pool and everyone laughed but my Mam helped me out and hugged me. We went to the amusements and me and my Mam really enjoyed the penny pushers but didn’t manage to win a prize. Then we went to the farms where they let you go strawberry picking, this was my favourite part as i used to love strawberries. We managed to get loads to take home with us.
As one of seven children and (I was child number 3) I shared my room with two of my other sisters.
Each night when my mother tucked us up in bed she would tell each one of us a reason why we were special.
I never told any of my brothers and sisters what my Mam would say and either did any of my brothers and sisters share with me what she said.
I am now 42 and I can still remember her whispers to me and how special I felt.
Now my Mam has MS and she will still often say "Judith I knew you would always make a difference in this world."
Now as a parent myself and the support I give people my Mam was always right.
I have had lots of chats with my Mam over the past forty years! Some of the advice she has given I have followed, some I have chosen to ignore at my peril.
My Mam seems to know me better than I do.
I remember her pulling me out of the depths of depression when I had to move back home at the age of thirty after the breakup of a long term relationship. She let me mope around for a week, and then it was "right, get out of bed, and get on with living, life won’t come knocking at your door".
I've never needed my Mam more than now I am a mother myself.
I don’t know anyone else who would be supportive when they get a phone call at 3 in the morning, because I am worried I didn’t do something, totally insignificant, right.
The reason I love my Mam so much is because she has the same traits Dorothy mentioned in her blog, and I didn’t realise until I wrote this.
She will not let me give up when life gets too tough.
She will help me, but not do things for me.
She will praise me to the hilt, and then tell me in no uncertain terms, I can do better.
She is there when I need a hug, and she is still able to "tell me off”; despite the fact I am an adult.
The reason I love my Mam is because no matter how hard I try, she will not give up on me, and she will not allow me to give up on myself. She is always with me, if not in person, in the voice going through my head.
I think I need to go and ring my Mam!
'Hi Mum, is the kettle on' as I walked into Mum’s house,
'Is everything ok? You look tired"
"I’ve had a hard day Mum not sure if I handled it right, just concerned that I maybe could have done something different"
Mum gave me a hug and said "If you followed the rules laid out for the particular issue, which I’m sure you have, and you’ve tried all your trained to do and kept your cool, what else could you have done?"
“Nothing" is the reply, “that cup of tea was the best!”
We said we loved one another.
I regularly speak to my mother in law about care for the elderly and the treatment of people in care she told me how her mother was treated in a nursing home and how good the care was.
My Dad (Peter) used a wheelchair and my Mum always used to say please talk to Peter it’s only his legs which do not work correctly.
My Mum is well known for a few sayings one that always stands out for me is ‘Failure to prepare, prepare to fail.’
Growing up I heard this frequently and through my teens probably every day back then I hated it but now it’s fast growing in to one of my favourite quotes.
The amount of times I have heard this I should have a million stories’ I just can’t think of any but the quote is great and one you can use in any walk of life.
Failure to prepare, prepare to fail
Ok here goes, my Mum died a few years ago, she was my best friend.
I remember when I had been working for ubu for around 5/6 years and a manager for Rushey Close.
I came home one evening and sat down both of my daughters Philippa and Sophie on my knee while my Mum made a brew.
I started to cry and for those that know me well, I cry a lot. If you cry I cry if you’re sad I'm sad.
“Mum” I said “I can't take anymore it’s too hard; I'm tired and fed up”. And on and on I went for quite a time.
The girls by this time were fed up and had gone off to play.
“Mum please help me” I cried into my tea.
"Ok” she said “Stop right now and pull yourself together."
“Mum!” I cried "No” she said, “I have heard enough YOU HAVE CRIED THOUSANDS OFF THE EARTH.”
I did stop and cried laughing and as you can see I am still here today, and for those who know me well still crying into my tea.
I can't really share any chats with Mum but one of her favourite sayings was actions speak louder than words. I remember being on holiday in Devon and getting really upset as there were competitions going on in the pool and everything we entered we lost, it was my brothers fault of course. The final straw for me was when everyone laughed when we came last in the boat race; he had fallen out so I was really upset.
There were no more children’s events left and the final competition was swimming for parents, my Mum said I think I'll have a go, I knew my Mum used to be a swimmer when she was younger because my dad always told me she was good but I didn't really know how good. So my Mum volunteered and was the only Mum who did, she was a lot older than most of the dads. So to cut a long story short, they offered her a lengths start and they said she could chose her stroke but she said she wouldn't want to show them up and she wouldn't want to take advantage. My brother, who is older, told me not to worry you see. I'd got upset again I didn't want anyone to laugh if my Mum didn't win and they were all dads and young dads. So on the whistle it was 200 Meters of butterfly, the poor men didn't know what hit them because like me they didn't know my Mum had been a national swimmer and she left them all literally on her wake. So the reason for the story was my Mum was worn out and later my brother told me literally had nothing left for the rest of the holiday but that afternoon she wanted me to collect her medal so I wouldn't be upset and when everyone was clapping for my Mum I felt on top if the world cause that was my Mum. It still gets me to this day 30 odd years later.
I cannot let this opportunity to pass without mentioning some of the achievements of my Mum that make me proud to be her son.
Married to a policeman in an era where policemen were paid very little with four young children she had to be organised, focused, disciplined and hard working.
As normal, I never truly appreciated the effort that she put into things until I was married and had kids of my own and realised how hard it is.
I will never forget when my Mum worked at the Retreat at York she used to come home absolutely exhausted, battered and bruised, but always demonstrated compassion to the people she worked with and was always positive about the Job. Something I have learnt from her and carry forward.
My Mum never ceases to amaze me when she puts her mind to something she does it no excuses.
Marathon running in London and Newcastle (She hadn’t run since she was about fifteen) a Parachute jump (When she has never done one before). A master’s degree in teaching (Because someone said she couldn’t).
The most significant memory was the commitment she showed for her own Mum, when she required palliative care; she never left her side from start to the end.
There was no fuss, straight out to Ireland her commitment to be there for her Mum was inspiring, and in what was the most harrowing illness for my Grandmother to go through. No other family members went to help it was just my Mum, she received about seven hours respite a week from Social services, other than the support of my Dad it was all she had. It’s that level of can do attitude and her commitment, compassion to do the right thing, that leave me feeling rightly proud.
As being a Mum to three grown up children what a surprise i was to find out i was having a baby with my husband with a 13 year gap between them oh dear i thought how was i going to cope with a baby again, once over the shock it was fun fun fun all the way he’s now nearly 2 i came home from work the other day to be presented with a snail in a plastic box , oh that’s lovely I said is this for Mummy he smiled , my daughter had even put lettuce in the box to feed the snail , I said ahhh thank you then he ran off to the kitchen with the box, opened the fridge door and grabbed the salad cream. We all started laughing, he looked puzzled, was I to eat it or was it salad cream goes with lettuce , I’m not sure but it made me laugh to be a Mum again what a gift .
My mother was really ill right up to the day before I got married, but she made a very good effort for the day and she stole the show, but I was pleased she made it and enjoyed herself it was her day as well as mine and my husbands, very proud of her.
"If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother!"
I can't remember who said that quote now, but I always remember it was always my mother who questioned what I was doing, wanted to know why, who with, when, where and why again. I used to believe that she was holding me back; restricting me and making me do what she wanted to do.
Until one day I was babysitting for my best friends baby daughter and all of a sudden, all the responsibility was on my head and i instantly wanted to protect her from everything... right then and there i knew all this time I could not have been more wrong about my mother, she was caring and loving the whole time and only ever wanted the best for me.
Thanks for being you Mum!
My memory of me and my Mam is her famous 'Diane’s chip shop chips'. As a treat, my Mam was cut the potatoes, put them in the pan to cook, then with grease proof paper and newspaper gave us them. Everyone in the street would go to my Mams and have her chips.
I hope this is what you needed if not let me know and I’ll try to think of something else.
I was staying at my Mums house the weekend before the 2nd away day, when I was helping out in the morning with the housework. My Mum sat in her favourite armchair with a drink of tea in one hand a talking on the mobile to her Mum in Chackswari, Kashmir. And the conversation goes as follows translated into English as she was speaking in her own mother tongue.
Mum: ‘The economy here is sooo down. The food is sooo expensive and the government is going down and down’
At this point I perked up because it was the first time I heard her mention the word economy in English and say government ever. So I carried on listening whilst straightening the cushions on the opposite sofa to her.
Mum: ‘Amma Ji (Mum in urdu) this winter has been too cold and this year we didn’t receive our £10 fuel allowance. Every year I have received extra money for the cold winter but this year I have had anything yet.’
Mum carried on talking on the phone for some time discussing when she is coming to visit for a holiday while I finish of the cleaning. When she eventually came of her mobile I asked her what she was talking to her Mum about, and she replied the same saying how poor this government had become and how she hasn’t had any extra winter payment. I turned round and laughed and tried to explain to her that this winter hasn’t been cold enough compared to previous winters, so she sighed and carried on doing what she was doing.
A week later when I arrived home from work I saw the opened official brown envelope with my Mum hovering around me, waiting for me to translate the letter. She knew clearly she had a winter payment as it snowed that week.
I was at my Mum’s house and while we were talking she mentioned her friend, who lives just round the corner from her.
Then she said “oh listen to this” and she turned to the telephone and switched on the answer machine, each message was from the same friend and all on the same day
Message 1 “Hello it’s me. I just wanted to see if you were home, see you soon”
Message 2 “Hello it’s me again. I just wanted to let you know that the window man has just been and he will be on his way to you soon”
Message 3 “Hello it’s me. Adie (the gardener) has just finished my garden, he’s on his way to you, but I’ve paid him as you’re not home yet”
Message 4 “Hello it’s me again. You’ll never guess who has just rang me, speak to you later”
Message 5 “Hello it’s me. You won’t believe this but I’ve just looked out of the window and its throwing it down with rain. See you soon”
Message 6 “Hello it’s me. I just wanted to see if you were home yet, speak to you soon”
By the end of the messages we were all in stitches with laughter, as the messages were coming fast and thick.
My Mum then said “I am really lucky aren’t I that I have family and friends who really do care”
And you know she’s right and although at times the people we support may become incensed and irritated and feel that we are interfering when we are trying to support and advise it’s because we really do care.
Well my Mum died in 1997 and my main memory of her before she became ill, was how she was able to do so much in a week – work part time, do meals on wheels (delivered food to people), keep the house immaculate, cook fresh meals every night, get our school lunches ready every day, have all our clothes washed and ironed, play the piano in the evening, she even found time to make clothes and soft furnishings and spend time with her family. I struggle to fit everything in to my week!
She taught me and my sister to cook and bake and we both still love doing this to this day, and gave me my love of clothes and jewellery shopping.
When she was ill – she died from the Motor Neurone Disease, I was impressed at how despite how hard life became for her, she wanted the best for her children and wanted to see us succeed at school and University. I also admired how dignified she was, despite what life was throwing at her – she still wanted to look her best and enjoy life as much as she could – go shopping, go on holidays, go to eat at Betty’s tearooms.
I found your recent note rather moving… I admire your deep vocational commitment to provide the highest quality of customer centric support to the individuals we endeavour to serve within the ubu fold!
My Mum passed away when I was just 17 years old. I'll never forget her advice. Treat people in the way you would expect to be treated; with respect, dignity, integrity and honesty. I try to follow that advice with everyone I encounter... perhaps with a light sprinkling of humour.
There are so many stories I have about my Mother! This one stands out though, for me so I thought I'd share it with you. I must admit, when I think about my Mother, I have to smile. She is the strongest woman I know and will probably ever know for my life to come.
At the age of 23 she was diagnosed with chronic arthritis from her head to her toes. This was before she was married, before I was born. When I was very young, I used to get up in a morning so I could get my fingers between her fingers and the palm of her hand so she could open her hands; it used to take about 15 mins on a bad day. That was before her operation to remove her knuckles and replace them with silicone ones; now she doesn't need that help but still needs help with other things.
Despite the pain she has always had, she has always been my rock, my inspiration, my best friend. Even with her own physical limits, her trials and tribulations in her life, she and my Dad managed to work and raise my Brother and me through thick and thin.
I remember standing in the kitchen one day; she was making a brew while I was buttering toast. She turned to me and said, "Do you think I've done a good job?" I asked her what she meant. "With you, with Lewis?" I was quite shocked; I thought, how can you doubt it? I said, "We're both still breathing aren't we?" "Yeah," she said, frowning, "I mean have I done right by you both, sometimes I wonder if I've done enough..."
I reminded her of the times she sat with us teaching us, putting up with our silliness; the pets, the mud etc, the stern word and forced focus on our work to make sure we did what we had to for life prep and study. I reminded her of this.
I then talked about the fun; the games, the trips away from home, the bedtime stories, the cooking and the historical re-enactments we all went to...
I said, "I can't imagine how you can wonder about having done a good enough job, I am so proud of you. There is nothing I regret about having you as my Mummy"
She smiles, hugs me and said, "There's nothing I regret having you as my Daughter”.
Sayings my Mum used to say: “Pot calling the kettle black”, “Do I look like I was born on top of a Christmas tree”, “don’t teach your grandma to stuck eggs”.
My funniest memory is me and my sister’s used to get up in the middle of the night and go for midnight feasts and my sister used bite huge chunks out of the cheese and just put it back in the fridge.
My Mum was getting so frustrated that we keep stealing food in the middle of the night (Late in life
She told us she was so skint she could afford for us to be midnight munching) She lined us all up in the front room and turn to me and said:
Mum: Hannah did you eat the cheese?
Mum: Naomi did you eat the cheese?
Mum: Simone did you eat the cheese?
Han: No… But I’ll never do it again.
At that we all burst into laughter… One of the funniest memories.
I was about 11 when I first realised that my Mum had a slight disability, she had polio as a child and had to have a number of operations on her foot, which left her with a limp, around this time someone made fun of her and this had a massive effect on me, but Mum just said that people who say these things are often people who are afraid of what they don’t know or understand, and that I should always take people as I find them and see past what other see.
Hi, I did read Dorothy's "chat with mother" blog, unfortunately I don't have such a story to share, but I like to say that every time I come to work I imagine individuals as my relatives and I'm supporting them the way I would love to see my relatives to be supported (keeping professional boundaries of course).
My Mum works for a company that offers cleaning and shopping support for people. She regularly phones me and asks my advice for some of the ladies that she supports. I get frustrated with her sometimes as she seems to think that i have all the answers! I overheard her talking to one of the ladies on the phone the other day and i must admit i had to laugh when i heard her say to the person "well I’ll ask my daughter for you she will know she helped her Grandad when we he was in hospital and needed to go to in to care and they used to dread having to meet with her! She loved her Grandad and fought for him to remain independent as he has always been disabled but had never let it stop him"
Afterwards I asked my Mum what was wrong and she said that one of the ladies had been told that she could not return home after a stay in hospital and that she did not understand why but did not feel that she could argue with them as they knew best.
She said "I told her she should do what you would do!"
I asked what that was and she said "well i said my daughter would say you that you should be in control of your own life and that not all Doctors and Social Workers have all the answers and that she should fight for what she wanted".
My Mum is not someone who pays compliments very often and I’m not sure she meant to compliment me but i was really pleased that she was out there fighting with others to keep their independence. What’s funny is that my Mum is the one that taught me to fight for what i believed in so really i suppose listening to your Mum in the first place really pays off.
My Mum often asks questions of what ubu do to support people in supported living. I have a 10 year old brother who is autistic and my Mum always worries about what will happen for him in the future. I do inform my Mum of what type of job i do and how it is all about the individuals and that everyone has different lives which they wants different things from it and that ubu support to ensure that everyone can achieve what they want to achieve. My Mum used to say to me that if anything ever happens that i promise her that i would never place my brother into a supported living. Although now her views have changed , as the company has grew and she likes the idea of the flat models and thinks that possibly my brother may benefit from this in the future and now she has an open mind on the topic.
My Mum always wanted to have family get together, one year she didn’t have a reason for the get together so she did a surprise birthday party for me, and she did my 40th to my dismay at the birthday cake with 40 on. I was only 38.
My Mum Rebecca is the best Mum I could ever ask for, she has been there for me through thick and thin.
As a single parent my Mum has given me everything she could possibly could and I never went without, now i have moved out of my Mums house and live with my boyfriend, my Mum is always helping me out as this is the first time i have moved away, she is always helping me budget my money and taking me shopping.
I didn’t appreciate my Mum like I do now, me and my Mum have such a close bond i would never change her for the world.
Thanks Mum :)
My Mum always told me she knew best, and I tell my daughter the same too
Wonderful blog and reminds me of my Mum giving me gentle advice and always being there when I really need to talk things through.
My Mum went to work last week but got dressed in the dark so as to not disturb my Dad. I got a text on the way home from her saying she had spent six hours in her Granddaughters knickers aged 11-12 and it wasn’t conducive to a comfortable working day! She was on the other hand quite impressed she could get them on!
There’s no wisdom like a mothers wisdom, mother always knows best.
Mine always used to say to me to 'stop wishing your life away' whenever I said I wished I was older or that I something would happen faster usually quoting or singing Que Sera Sera along with it. She was so right! We have to take things day by day and make the most of what we have, mind you now life flies by so fast I've started wishing it would slow down!
My Mum has always taught me to be hard working and follow my ambitions. She has also helped me out a lot since moving out.
My mother always told me not to do anything or say anything to other people unless you would want them to say / do those things to you. A wise comment going back to biblical times!
My mother and father passed away some 25 years ago.
I remember growing up with my two younger brothers in the east end of Newcastle in the fifties; my father was a labourer and worked hard to support his kids.
Despite all the deprivation my parents must have endured, we had an amazing upbringing and were loved very much; the whole neighbourhood was our playground.
We had a favourite bomb site which was our adventure ground and uncared for fields were our Wembley, we would play many imaginary cup finals into the late evenings.
We would have dripping sandwiches for snacks through the week, fry ups using leftovers from Sunday dinners on a Monday, broth and dumplings were out of this world, but it was boiled onions in butter on a Thursday cos' it was the last day before me Dad got paid.
Boy was life good!
However one of the many things that I can recall, regarding my mother, was that no matter where we were, playing on fields, the bomb site or in different streets and alleys we could always hear and recognise her voice ordering us home when evening got late.
It was the same for all our gang with their mothers.
Its only when I got older and possibly a little wiser, that I realised that our mothers always knew where we were and what we were doing because of the closeness of the community, women talking at their gates, each one keeping an eye out for their neighbours children as well as their own, grandparents living with and being cared for by their own families.
Ah well, better go, me gran'bairn is on his PlayStation and he wants his supper, he hasn’t been oot all day!!!!
Never mind, a'h can still hear me mother callin' down the street, "wor Brian get yersel in, or else".
As a little girl me and my Mum used to have a mother daughter date night every month which we would go to the cinema and go for food. Something that we did quite often and bonded as my Mum worked 2 jobs when I was little. Even though now me and my Mum work long hours and hardly see each other since I have moved out we still make time to once a month either have a girly night in or go to the cinema and for food.
I am not going to talk about anything specific as it is hard to pick anything out as there are so many.
I am 1 of 4 boys and we are all very different. Our mother has always been there to guide, support and encourages all of us to achieve our goals and to try our best. She has loved, cared and pushed us to live our lives to the full. She is the glue which binds our family together with love and respect.